LLETZ treatment and cervical abnormalities

I have really let my blogging slip lately! What a rubbish legacy eh kids! I have kept the facebook and G+ up to date for my little lads, so that is something. I do try not to miss a thing! However the last few months I have been mostly sleeping awake... Fellow parents will totally get what I mean by that! Like the time I fell asleep standing up in a shop!

I think I have been mostly processing my own thoughts recently. After 2 years of biopsy after biopsy, and colposcopy anfter colposcopy, I have now been treated for CIN2, and my latest biopsy of the part of my cervix which they removed, was not cancerous.

I am now fully recovered from the treatment that I had, which was quite straight forward and quick, but extremely daunting after the birthing experience :( hospitals still frighten me and make me very anxious.

I write about the experience because there were many terrifying moments during that journey, and cell abnormalities are very common in young women, and rarely mean that they will develop into cervical cancer. However as soon as the 'C' word is a factor in ANY illness, I think most people's worlds do come crashing down. I know that mine did.

It started for me when I had a 'funny turn' in Starbucks, where I lost a very large blood clot and a lot of blood suddenly, for no obvious reason. I was very confused and frightened. I visited my GP to request a smear test, and two male GP's refused to refer me. Then after I lost this very large clot, I decided to visit a female GP, as I was quite sensitive about what/ why this could be happening. The female GP did a smear test there and then, and sent a swab off the the lab, just to be on the safe side. I was only 20 years old, and apparently they don't usually test anybody under the age of 25. Some how this GP got the sample tested and some weeks later I received a prescription through the post. I had an infection.

I took the tablets that were prescribed and forgot all about it. A few more weeks later, I received a letter and some leaflets about cervical cancer.

I literally saw the 'cancer' leaflet, looked at my baby boy who was about 10 months old, looked at Ben and I thought that I was going to be sick. My eyes filled up and I saw Finn's life without me in it flash before my eyes. I kept trying to read the leaflet, but it just wasn't sinking in. It took me days of research to finally calm myself down.

I had a colposcopy and a biopsy a few days later. The results were that I had CIN2. I discussed the options with the lovely Dr, and he put my mind at rest completely. However it had rocked the family so much, that I decided to have treatment, even though it was not yet cancerous.

Some months passed and two weeks before I was due treatment, I found out that I was pregnant with my second little boy. This meant that I had to have regular colposcopy appointments.

In these months, the CIN did not progress to become cancerous, but it also did not get any better, so 6 weeks after I had Alfie, I was back again, and treatment was the only sensible option.

Cervical cancer statistics are very frightening. Abnormal cells caught at this stage and treated, mean that the chances of them coming back and developing into cancer are very slim, however this is quite the opposite once cancer has formed, then the statistics are not in your favour any more. So treatment was, really, the only option.

Now I have had LLETZ treatment and I feel great. It only took about 15 minutes, and I stayed awake for it. It was uncomfortable and painful at times, but I could go straight back to my little boys not long after. I could not be happier.

I realise how lucky I am, and I believe that I have a guardian angel looking out for me. Its so easy to forget when life gets in the way.

Now I only have to back twice this year, then every year for nine more years, then back to normal smear testing, providing that everything is ok.

I am very, very grateful to everyone who supported me, and understood how I was feeling. Although it was very minor compared to the things that have happened to the people around me, I think because they have been through so much, a minor scare like this, became very overwhelming. I kept telling myself not to be ridiculous, freaking out over something like this, after all they had found something and were monitoring it, and treating it. I knew that, that was a wonderful position to be in, and without those twists in fate, I would not have found out about these abnormal cells until I was 25. I am sure that they would have vanished by then. But if they hadn't, would I still be here now?

Even when things look bleak, I have to try to remember, that fate is looking after me, and it could have been much much much worse.

I've missed you blog, but now I am bac

I have missed blogging so much! I can't organize life any other way! Plus I love that to get to this now, I just type dysfunctional into google, and it brings up the predictive words and I am there... at the bottom but I am there. I like that :)

What a few weeks I have had, nothing particularly worth writing about, just Ben's birthday which is always awful because he is pretty cookoo, truth be told. However this year he was well behaved and I enjoyed it too.

Then there was my operation. I'd call it treatment really, because I asked to be awake. What a bloody fool! I'd never do that again. The treatment wasn't that bad, but I'd become so worked up as soon as I could smell the hospital smell in that waiting room!!!

Not to mention taking my Mum with me... who decided to tell the nurse... not just any nurse but MY nurse, the lady holding me down for this treatment, well Mum decided to tell her that she had put on a lot of weight. Not in a nasty or vindictive way, more of a very loud observation, in fact She sounded moderately concerned. I was more than moderately concerned after my Mother's whispering over three fields!!!

It also did not help that the next available appointment for this treatment was months after my last biopsy! So I had months to worry! What annoys me more is it isn't the cancer that worries me it's the smell of the hospital! I annoy myself more than anything else on this planet, thank you for reading this by the way, I am sure you can vouch for how annoying that is!

Not only the above but I had to leave the littlest for the first time... and he is still breast fed, he's never taken to a bottle and I was just freaking out at the thought of Ben struggling to force feed the littlest milk while the biggest plotted revenge, as Finn still hates his baby brother most of the time and although they now have a strong bond... Finn is a Daddy's boy. Get in the way of it if you dare!!!

So Aunt Katie and Uncle Col went along too to help out and Ben agreed to go to a play center just by the hospital so I could see my boys straight away after this treatment.

I should also mention that Ben FREAKS out when he is worried about me, and I mean totally goes barmy!!!

I will explain Ben's barmy business in a whole blog entry of its own, it really deserves its own bloody page!!!

Anyway, the treatment was with a different Dr, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I liked that but after all the hassle it had taken to get me there in the first place I was quite ready to give it a go myself.

It was all very laid back and relaxed, well legs akimbo, freezing and a bloody on screen, magnified image of my own bits being burnt away relaxed, meaning everyone else found it a breeze... me on the other had, well I was just enduring the breeze!

By the end of the procedure I was shaking so violently that she told me "If you jump when it hurts again, I will slip and burn away parts of you that are not under aesthetic and that will leave you in excruciating pain" which as you can imagine was like having a gentle hug, or slipping into a warm bubble bath, or even putting on my favorite pair of slippers... NOT!!!!!!

It is quite minor and it wasn't very painful, but with all of my fears after having Alfie in the same department of the same hospital. Just writing it makes me want to vomit through my nose!

So as soon as it was done, I grabbed my things, hobbled out and booked my next appointment, which is yet more biopsy results, but at very least its over the phone so I don't have to smell the smell of one thousand fears!

Oh what a week. I've been resting the best I can, still had a few demanding my full attention, and I've tried to keep everyone happy but it's left me a very groggy Mummy, so now I realize that friends only gain that title in times like these, and whether I like it or not, it is times like these that you realize who aren't very good friends, as well as who are brilliant ones. After almost a full week, I have just started some proper rest and it wasn't optional! My body just turned to led and told me that enough was enough and it was time to sit down. I think I would have been just fine if I'd have slept more, but Ben sleeps less than me now, so I'm by no means complaining!!!!