Showing posts with label ben. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ben. Show all posts

Getting my first tattoo!!!

I have designed thousands of tattoos while day dreaming my way through school. Yet when it came to this, I just did not have the time to perfect something that was staying on my body...forever.

I decided to get a small tattoo on my stomach just above my hip. I wanted something to represent my confidence in Ben and I, and him being my soul mate.

Ben already had loads of tattoos, 30+, so it wasn't much of a big deal to him. I decided to go to the same guy for mine as Bne had done for most of his.

I went to Voodoo tattoos in Warrington. Lee did the tattoo for me. It scratched a little but he was really gently, I'd say it tickled more that it hurt.

An hour later it was done and dusted. No problem.

One day, I'll go back to that place, hopefully not to cover it up!

Cutting ties to my misery and opening all doors to the future... and then he left me (3)

I knew that I was in love, but now I had a few lose ends to sort out. I was still supposed to be seeing some guy from across town, the snobby side. I hadn't seen him for a while, which should probably have been warning enough, but I had to split up with him, without breaking his heart and without making me look like the bitch I was. But to be fair it's not like it was because of a fling or anything, I'd met my soul mate.


I met up with him one night after college, I thought if I scared him enough he'd freak out due to lack of maturity, and we'd go our separate ways, in a really civil way. Me guilt free...

It didn't quite happen like that to be honest, my elaborate story worked, I told him that I wanted a baby, now and I was just going to have one. Alone. This was just to confuse and scare the poor guy, but it worked, and it kinda played out that way... careful what you wish for eh...?

Nothing had yet happened with Ben, so I was desperate to see him so that I could cuddle him. Like it was our victory. Like I had been waiting to do so my entire life.

In college I had told Sarah Rodger's that I was in love. She found this hilarious and no one really believed me, I'm not sure why, maybe it was the 6 month relationship I'd just had with the guy that I barely noticed and constantly complained about not being in love with...

I spent a lot of quality time with Ben before I got chance to break up with the unloved ex face to face. We spent hours talking about everything.

Ben invited me to his pub, it was a biker pub, consisting of locals, lots of them, that all know everything about each other. Like the pubs you see in soaps...only a really twisted late night version? a dirty grotty smell version...

I walked in, with Kath Yates. It was like having two heads. Ben had already told everyone about me, but I didn't know that. It was very scary. We sat at the bar. I'd been so ill with my lactose intolerance for a few weeks, so I told him I didn't want to go out anywhere for food because I have been throwing up a lot and can't have much. I was pretty much living off crisps. I didn't bring them up and I was so hungry by this point! He told me he had got me something. I was offended because of the sexism... but then he just handed me an Asda bag, when it wasn't flowers, I realised that I had sexist views... I blame society... Anyway, I opened the bag and in it was every packet of crisps that he could find. There were all sorts in there. He said I know you are allergic to flowers, but I will find you some one day that won't make you sneeze. Oh and I got extra packets of your favorite...

He told me that he was home for just two weeks, then he would be going back working away, saving enough money to join his best friend Ben Wilkinson a.k.a Junior in Thai Land again, ready for a trip around the world... He told me that he had just 14 days to make me fall in love with him. But I already had...

We had some wonderful times together, always sober. Then one night he joined our quiz night. Vikki Prigmore was there and Rick, who later got the name Dip stick Rick. Ben gave him that name. Ben drank that night, and I drank too. Ben drank a lot. I was really shocked at how much he drank. I assumed it was because of the night out, but I was later to find out that this was going to be an ongoing issue.


That night ended in tears. I saw a darker side to Ben. One that was desperately unhappy and frantically unsettled. But once again he found a way to melt my heart.

We had a few big arguments before he left, always filled with drama and comedy. Always equally balanced. Yin and Yang.

I bought him a tiny teddy to take with him saying 'I miss you', so he bought me a gift too. He left it on the bar for me. I opened it after serving a customer, but Ben was gone. It was a white gold diamond necklace. It was stunning.


The next day I booked my tattoo, and after knowing him for just 2 weeks, I had his name tattooed onto my hip. I don't regret it...



I didn't know how I would ever cope, I'd have to say good bye...

My path through fate part (2), You saved my life and made me want to die, I love you.






One day, I was filling in for a friend while I was off college. I was on a day shift, serving food and drinks at the grotty pub I worked at.

I wouldn't look forward to drinking in the place...I wouldn't have dreampt of eating in there! But Marg was a brilliant cook, a real Mumsy cook, and Gordon Ramsay would have taken tips from her.
A few of the regulars were sat in the 'bus stop', a part of the pub on a raised level that only seated two tables and was quite private, it looked a lot like a bus stop, hense the name... I think.

Another guy joined them, who I hadn't seen before. He was stunning. I had chocolate coloured hair and turquise eyes. I had never seen eyes that colour before. I had seen oceans, reefs, cocktails that colour, but never anybodies eyes. He had stubble and could clearly grow a beard. He was about 35 ish and covered in tattoos. Looking at him made my eyes water, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my chest tighten slightly... I wondered if it was a possible heart attack for a moment, but it wasn't and then I felt quite stupid. Not many attractive people went in that pub to be honest, so I told myself that I could be getting that prison mentality thing, and also could picture him at home with his sexy blonde wife, a few kids and a labrador. It made my heart sink. I was very angry at this man for cheating on me, in my imagination. Then BOOM, he wanted change for the bandit. Pulled myself together really quickly and tried some flirting. He had just won on the bandit so I told him that it pays out twice because there is a fault on it, it pays half of the ammount on the second win as it did on the first but its everytime. He looked directly into my eyes and thanked me for the information, then ignored my advice, like a prick might do. I hated him a bit and I hated that I thought he was so pretty.

A few days later the same group came into the pub again. I was in a world of my own, I had the ex texting me angriliy, like he had the right to, and I had the current one who I wanted to love but just couldn't texting me because he hadn't seen me in...a couple of weeks! I had come to the conclusion that I had had it with people, family freinds and boyfriends. I was going to uni and none of you lot were stopping me!

Then after ordering a massive order, the same guy, you know the beautiful bastard who I had fell in love with momentairly a few days ago was asking me for my number. He said he doesn't do it very often and would really apprichate it if I didn't make a fool of him, in the middle of the pub, infront of his friends, adding that there was no pressure. He told me his name was Ben, which I didn't quite believe. I didn't know how a bulky tattooed rugged looking bloke could have a sweet childs name, such as Ben. Little did I know how much it suited him, as there is always the parralel of extremes when it comes to Ben, he is Yin and Yang all by himself. He asked if he could take me out to the cinema or for a meal sometime... I was still a bit annoyed at him and at people, so I said No. I tried to walk away and he asked why not? I said I was kinda seeing someone. So he said "Don't bring him, that would be really awkward" I thought that this was really funny, and it melted my heart a lot.

I had every intention of giving him my number but made him wait, I had a few things to do and Marg moaned if any glasses were left out, She was really good at running that bar, when she wasnt frightening everyone she met!

I walked over to the back of the pub near to wear him and his group were sitting, they were loud and drunk and intimidating, well they were after one of them had just asked me out, I felt like they were all looking at me. I put one glass into another to stack them and smashed the lot! I started picking the glass up quickly knowing that everyone had seen.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder suddenly pushing me to the ground. It was Ben. I was absolutely livid. Men often thought that they could just grab at you when you were behind the bar, I had had several marriage proposals, from Men that couldn't distinguish the difference between me and Kath who also worked behind the bar. In fact it was Kath talking about work, and visiting Kath at work that got me the job in the first place. Thanks for that Yatesy <3


I stood up and was about to launch into a marxist feminist speech explaining that he has absolutely no right to enter my person space and that he has crossed a boundary, when he said softly (for 'could whisper across 3 fields' Ben) you didn't see that big piece of glass, you were about to kneel on it, I didn't want you to get hurt. Sorry.

Once again my anger had turned to some powerful 'I have been winded warmth'.

I had a really busy weekend that weekend, I was on split shifts, and there was a few bands on, so staff were split between 2 floors. I was also working at the nightclub around t he corner, same landlord as the pub just different supervisor. The supervisor and his part in my fate are another story all of their own!

I finished my shift early on the Saturday, my Mum and Dad had been out and were passing so I decided to wait and get a lift back home with them. Kath told me to text Ben, I thought about it and explained that I needed some me time. She didn't buy it at all and told me to just text him. So I did. He text me straight back, telling me he was baby sitting his Godson and catcing up on his ironing. This made me angry again!!!

When I split up with my ex, every blokes chat up line seemed to be about them having kids already, and because I work with kids, letting me have time with thiers would get me into bed? If you work on the fish counter... would a bloke letting you feel a cod make you drop your knickers? Or if you were a doctor, would a bloke showing you the boil between his toes make you warm for his form? Enough said.

Ben later asked if he could meet up with me sometime. I was in town on the Monday, but I had swapped my shift, so we decided to meet in the pub. He told me that he was meeting his brother for a coffee then walking up to see me.

The staff in the pub quickly become like family. You see a lot and end up having to stick together. There's sometimes only you, and often brawls to break up, clean up and patch up.

Marg and Hanna were there and Ben was talking to them. He looked beautiful. He looked smart but casual like a Debenham's maniquin! He asked me if I would like a drink. I said I would get them. He was taken back, and this once again offended me. Most of the 'date' offended me but the rest melted my heart and that has never changed, its extremities do, but the basic formula has stayed the same.

Ben was talking to Hanna about school. He was explaining about living in several countries and going to school in Germany. I loved this. I loved that he had worked all over, and he was explaining about being a ski instructor when he was younger. I fell in love with everything he was saying. I loved his open mind. I loved hearing about his experiences.
 
We talked for a few hours, sat in the corner. Over those hours I fell in love with him. I left my English coursework on the table, and he picked it up, he asked me how long I had been doing maths for. It was written in phonetics but still, I thought it was really cute. Ben told me many lies on that date, he told me he read books, and in everything else he said he elaborated, but that was beautifully done too. I knew, sitting there with him, that he would be the father of my children, and I thought that we would grow old together. So far so good...

The next few weeks were about to be life changing...