I met up with him one night after college, I thought if I scared him enough he'd freak out due to lack of maturity, and we'd go our separate ways, in a really civil way. Me guilt free...
It didn't quite happen like that to be honest, my elaborate story worked, I told him that I wanted a baby, now and I was just going to have one. Alone. This was just to confuse and scare the poor guy, but it worked, and it kinda played out that way... careful what you wish for eh...?
Nothing had yet happened with Ben, so I was desperate to see him so that I could cuddle him. Like it was our victory. Like I had been waiting to do so my entire life.
In college I had told Sarah Rodger's that I was in love. She found this hilarious and no one really believed me, I'm not sure why, maybe it was the 6 month relationship I'd just had with the guy that I barely noticed and constantly complained about not being in love with...
I spent a lot of quality time with Ben before I got chance to break up with the unloved ex face to face. We spent hours talking about everything.
Ben invited me to his pub, it was a biker pub, consisting of locals, lots of them, that all know everything about each other. Like the pubs you see in soaps...only a really twisted late night version? a dirty grotty smell version...
I walked in, with Kath Yates. It was like having two heads. Ben had already told everyone about me, but I didn't know that. It was very scary. We sat at the bar. I'd been so ill with my lactose intolerance for a few weeks, so I told him I didn't want to go out anywhere for food because I have been throwing up a lot and can't have much. I was pretty much living off crisps. I didn't bring them up and I was so hungry by this point! He told me he had got me something. I was offended because of the sexism... but then he just handed me an Asda bag, when it wasn't flowers, I realised that I had sexist views... I blame society... Anyway, I opened the bag and in it was every packet of crisps that he could find. There were all sorts in there. He said I know you are allergic to flowers, but I will find you some one day that won't make you sneeze. Oh and I got extra packets of your favorite...
He told me that he was home for just two weeks, then he would be going back working away, saving enough money to join his best friend Ben Wilkinson a.k.a Junior in Thai Land again, ready for a trip around the world... He told me that he had just 14 days to make me fall in love with him. But I already had...
We had some wonderful times together, always sober. Then one night he joined our quiz night. Vikki Prigmore was there and Rick, who later got the name Dip stick Rick. Ben gave him that name. Ben drank that night, and I drank too. Ben drank a lot. I was really shocked at how much he drank. I assumed it was because of the night out, but I was later to find out that this was going to be an ongoing issue.
That night ended in tears. I saw a darker side to Ben. One that was desperately unhappy and frantically unsettled. But once again he found a way to melt my heart.
We had a few big arguments before he left, always filled with drama and comedy. Always equally balanced. Yin and Yang.
I bought him a tiny teddy to take with him saying 'I miss you', so he bought me a gift too. He left it on the bar for me. I opened it after serving a customer, but Ben was gone. It was a white gold diamond necklace. It was stunning.
The next day I booked my tattoo, and after knowing him for just 2 weeks, I had his name tattooed onto my hip. I don't regret it...
I didn't know how I would ever cope, I'd have to say good bye...
