A legacy as great as you!

Everyday, I dread a day where I could be parted from my little boys.

I know that this seems like a very morbid thought, but for me it isn't. I always tell them that I love them, I always kiss them good night, and I try to express my love for them so that they will always know how much they mean to me.

I don't know if this is something that all Mum's think of quite as regularly as I do, but I put that down to the fact that my Mum had her first major stroke at just 32 years old, a stroke so damaging that it left her in a coma and still to this day effects her. Ben lost his Mum at a young age and with a combination of the hereditary illnesses, its important for me to know that my Son's will have my memories too, if for whatever reason I am not there or able to ask.

I tried to write Finn a diary, for when he is older, but it has chunks missing where I have been finding things hard and haven't wrote that down for him.

I will always want to protect the boys from anything bad I feel, simply because I am very happy, so whatever else happens, does not matter, not now I have them.

I want them to know that they are a huge part of me, and as long as they live and breathe, they are representing me, so they must always think about me happily and never sadly.

Losing my Gran was an upsetting time, as deaths and funerals are always sad, seeing everyone so upset mainly. But I don't look at her death and ever feel sad, I am just happy that She was ever in my life. It doesn't ache or hurt to think about her, because I don't really feel like I have lost her. She's here with me, She's a part of me. Permanently. I do of course miss her and I wish She could have met Ben and the boys, but I really believe that she is about in spiritual ways.

I need to know that my boys will be a success without me constantly telling them off. But either way, I will always love them. They are my world.

I feel that so many times the boys have saved my life. Whenever I have felt like life is just impossible, I always knew there would come a day when everything would just make sense, and having these children has done that for me. My world is filled with love and money cannot buy that.

I am so lucky to have had the boys in the first place, and I believe that fate has taken me down this path.

I am eternally grateful for the path that I have been so lucky to be put on, and I feel that I have done everything I desperately need to, now that I have my boys in my life. I am content with life.

I love you Finn and Alfie.

<3