I explained my symptoms to my GP... conclusion... stress...
It started to effect my exams... running out of exams to throw up and passing out in toilets...
Back to the GP... conclusion...stress...
Exams finished, no job to worry about, no college left, got a few odd shifts at Ben's pub to tide me over, home life was pretty stressful but I could manage that, it had become the norm. Ben was really stressful but still that had become quite normal.
It got to the point that the cramps were ridiculous. A lot of people had asked if I could be pregnant. I'd been on a contraceptive tablet, but with all the throwing up...had it worked???
So frightened and worried I spoke to Ben about it. A lot of people had told him that I was definitely pregnant... that is the difference between normal people and pub people, normal people wonder and pub people just decide what they think is a fact.
Ben walked across to the shops and bought 4 clear blue digital pregnancy tests. He seemed really excited about it, and he had told a few of his friends about it, and most of the pub factually thought I was pregnant.
So I did it...I peed on the stick...
NEGATIVE.
I came out of the bathroom, and told Ben. He hugged me and said that it was good news as I have uni and that I must get back to the doctors yet again, my blood pressure kept dropping.
Ben disappeared talking, and then I found him on his own, he had tears in his eyes and he hugged me again. It seemed to have hit him quite hard that I was not pregnant. Which shocked him as much as it did me! We had already decided that we were going to get married and travel the world together. We had no idea that not having a baby right then would actually upset us... But maybe we knew somewhere in our hearts, that the test was wrong, and we were about to deal with one of the biggest changes in fate that we couldn't really have ever predicted... back to the drawing board!
Over the next few weeks the symptoms just got worse and worse!!! I did 15 pregnancy tests... all NEGATIVE!!!
My Mum said that She could just sense that I was pregnant, but I explained that I had done pregnancy test after pregnancy test of EVERY brand! We had spent a small fortune on these things! My period due date had come and gone, and still no sign of finding out what this undiagnosable condition was.
Then one day I was helping out at Ben's pub, and his friend came in.
John.
John is a very unusual person, he has a kind of glow that is hard to explain, he carries some sort of peaceful yet powerful force, softly spoken and intuitive. Very intuitive. When you talk to him you could be anywhere in the world and not notice. He is a powerful man with a lot of soul and spirit.
He told me to lift my t-shirt up slightly... odd request but I'd had worse from customers... so I did. He said "You are pregnant", I explained about feeling ill all the time and Mum telling me She thought I might be pregnant and the 15 negative tests. He listened intently, then repeated himself. "You ARE pregnant."
I went back to my doctor...I saw the top GP at the surgery, he had been the main GP there for over 20 years. If he didn't know then who else was there to ask...?
He asked if I had done a pregnancy test and explained that the pill I had been taking would not work due to the sickness being everyday, and that because it hasn't been in my system, I wouldn't have an estimate for a period due date. He told me to go away and come back if the test was negative.
That week I went to visit Ben at work.
I did this every week. I'd get two trains and take a walk through Castleford, to spend an hour or so with Ben then I'd be in a boring hotel room for hours until he got back. I took some food with me that Mum had made. I tried to eat it on the train to Leeds, but my stomach would not stop turning! I felt so ill. It felt like when I had, had stomach ulcers. So I thought I better get back to the Doctors!!!
I remembered that he had told me to do another pregnancy test before I came back, so I thought I better had. I picked one up on the walk to meet Ben. I only spent 99p on it, I had no faith in it being the answers to what was wrong. So much so, that I didn't even mention it to Ben!
When I got there, we had loads to talk about, and I forgot to mention it to him! He went to work and I was chatting to him out of the window before he went... then I ended up bursting for a wee. So I ran to the toilet, which was next door to our room, then ran back to grab the test, I didn't see any point in waiting until morning to do it. I peed into Ben's coffee cup and dipped the stick in.
Straight away there were two really dark purple lines... I reread the packet 3 or 4 times... then checked the test again...then reread some more...
I placed the test on some tissue in our room on the table. I text Ben because I had no credit, telling him to RING me A.S.A.P!!!
He didn't!!!
I text him again telling him it was REALLY URGENT.
So he rang, and I said...I'm Pregnant.
He said, ~"ok Babe, I will ring you when I get to work"
WHAT??????
Out of all of the things you want to hear when you tell someone that... Ok is NOT what you want to hear!!! EVER!!!!!
Then he text me "Woohoo. Good news, I love you, will ring you in a min".
And so just a few months after meeting the love of my life, I was expecting to meet someone else very soon, who I would also fall madly in love with. Unconditionally.
