Wish You Were Here/ Wish You Were Her.

I'm not sure if it is my mind that is my worst enemy, or whether it is not facing my problems and dealing with them properly. I am perfectly ok when I am busy, however when I am left alone to think, I suddenly get flooded with many thoughts that I simply do not wish to process.

I have no time and no tolerance for weakness, and think that harbouring these memories that do me nothing but harm, has no purpose but to cause more damage than has already been done by said problems. Thus,  weakening the ship which I guess is a metaphor for, well just my head, or me.

Although I also wonder if I have processed these pains, and dealt with them properly, perhaps this is why they haunt me, not because I let them, make them or call upon them in a self destructive way, but because somewhere within my mind I have not processed these things enough to heal.

Perhaps it will just take time.

I do not usually write about these things. If I don't have anything good to say I try not to say anything at all. Maybe that is the problem. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Well thank you blog, you have served a moderate service, so I don't have to let my friends know me any more than they need to. Not only that but I will work this out and get back to you. If not and you feel like you have the answers... pop them on a post card, just make sure it's one labelled wish you were here, or even one saying wish you were her. Both apt.

is it sleep'o'clock yet? PLEASE?

This post is simply to remind me to get you both back one day. Yes, this is simply a revenge reminder.

I love my little Princes, but I swear they hate sleeping. So I cling to the days that they will be lying in bed all day like sweaty, sticky, layabouts, in their smelly teenage pits.

Last night Finn woke up twice, not too bad really, however Alfie woke up 6 times. 6 feeds during the night! Finn always wanted a drink through the night, and at about 7 months I put his bottle in his cot and he would help himself whenever he needed a drink. It still woke me up but I could hear that he was ok on the monitor, and he would just go back to sleep after his juice. Alfie is similar in this way, he does not wake, he just squirms about and screams until he gets his milk and if he is left long enough he wakes up and it takes hours to get him back to sleep. The main difference is that Alfie is breast fed, so I have to take him out of his cot and sit with him. This then means that he has to sleep in my room still. I am hoping that in time, he will just grow out of it. So today I have attempted to feed him up so he gets used to eating through the day and hopefully, he will gradually feed less through the night... here is hoping eh...

But mark my words lads, Saturday morning's in 10 years time, you will be woken at 6am!

Love you both, you little monkey's! <3

Ben avoided getting peepee on his head, but nearly got arrested for talking to his crotch...

Each day rolls into each week which seems to be rolling into each month and I hear it just gets worse with age. My littlest babe is already crawling about, feeding himself and sitting up alone. He has started to pull himself up on 'safe' furniture too, in the ball pit, on the bed and in his cot.

I am not too sure if this always happens with the second baby, maybe time goes quicker the more you have, or maybe its because Finn is still only 2 and a half, maybe I am so tired and busy that I don't really notice the time passing so much. It is passing though, and day by day these boys rely on me less and less.

I realise that I don't write here enough and it bothers me because I write here so that their early memories are stored so even if all of my worst nightmares came true, I am with them forever through these words.

Finn is doing pretty well with potty training but has had an off week really. Today he weed in the bank, moments after Ben took him down from his shoulders, he left a tiny puddle but Ben hadn't noticed that he had already done it, so ran with him outside and stood behind a large bin in an Alley way beside the bank.

He said that a young woman was on a break and appeared at the entrance of the passage smoking a cigarette. The bin was between them, and Ben looked down at Finn and said "go on, now is the time, let it out, do a wee" the woman looked at him in shock, as from where she was standing, it looked like Ben was looking down at himself, as she did not know that he had his Son with him!

So for some poor woman on her break enjoying a quick cigarette, she had stood beside a strange man, who appeared to be telling his own bits to  "go on, now is the time, let it out, do a wee"... Priceless!!!

Review: Ella's Kitchen- The Orange One

We have sampled a few of the new tastes from Ella's kitchen recently and all of which my boys loved, not just Alfie when he was weaning but Finn as well at age 2! So when Ella's kitchen contacted me to say they have a new pouch for us to try, we were delighted.

It arrived in the post, and I put it straight into my bag, because these pouches are so good for being out and about! Then I left my Mum with both boys in the car as both were asleep, I knew Alfie would wake up hungry and thirsty so I told Mum about the pouch. I ran and did my own version of super market sweep before they could both wake up. Finn stayed asleep but little Alfie woke up as predicted, and screamed! Mum could feed him from the driving seat using the convenient packaging, and then he took it off her and fed himself with it! He loved it.

This new flavour is by far his favorite! And at 7 months now, he had no trouble holding it and feeding it to himself under supervision, which made him feel more independent.

We love Ella's Kitchen, we love their story and their products as you can read here in my previous blog!

Review: Frugi Organic Cotton Clothes

A few weeks ago, Frugi sent me two lovely outfits for each of my boys to try and to attempt to destroy. As you all know, I have been nervously awaiting a return to the dreaded hospital that features in all of my nightmares over the past six months, so it has taken me a lot longer than usual to get this review to you all. That is all but a memory now and I am back on track!


However, this means that the clothes have really been put through the mill! So here is what the bosses think!


On the day that the outfits arrived, I put them straight on the boys. We were due to visit the boys God Father, Ray. It was his birthday so he was having a barbecue in the garden. We had decided to walk as it is only about 1-2 miles away and it was a beautiful summers day.

 Alfie was sent organic cord dungarees, they are thick, with a beautiful, silky, soft lining. I rolled them up when he was warm to reveal the stripy lining. After a full day of crawling about in the garden, Alfie was filthy dirty, but I found that the dirt fell off. They have now been washed a few times and still look brand new... even after digging for worms with his big brother!

The material is beautiful and the fit was just perfect, leaving room for my wriggler to move around. They did not restrict him at all so he found learning to crawl in these quite easy! The roll up feature also means that they can be rolled down as baby grows. Details like this mean that the clothes adapt to baby. I know that Alfie is comfortable in these clothes while looking clean and smart, which is nothing short of a miracle!


The outfit for Finn was a touch too small. It was age 18-24 months, and Finn is a very, very, very large 2 year old. He did wear it to go and see uncle ray though and it will definitely be saved for Alfred because it was just so gorgeous!

These light organic cotton dungarees are just perfect for a growing toddler. I have never been able to dress Finn in light colours because he is a very icky boy! This was no exception. He went straight into the garden with a large plastic spoon and dug up the plants that Daddy had planted just hours before! Finn was covered from head to toe in soil! Then after a full day of ketchup and steak juice being wiped all over his dungarees with absolutely no manners, I thought these would never ever wash clean! But... they did. Perfectly clean and looked as good as new on a basic 40 wash!!! 

The boys and myself love Frugi for so many reasons... not all selfish either! 

 Both of the boys were really comfortable in their outfits! Finn usually takes his pants off at every opportunity, I prefers to be in the nude than wear clothes and as you can imagine, this becomes very difficult when we are out and about!The organic cotton is so soft and breathable that I found it helped with Alfie's contact dermatitis and his eczemaa. Frugi think that this is because there are no harmful chemicals in their clothing. Which is always good to know! It also leaves us Mummies with the piece of mind that the farmers have not had to deal with poisonous pesticides, which is unfortunately quite common these days! This is also Eco-friendly, so you can sleep easy at night! As can baby! 

These beautiful outfits are also designed to perfection. Many of the Frugi outfits are reversible. This means that our babies and children are always as comfortable as can be, and it allows you to roll up clothes which are large on baby, while still looking stylish! Then just roll down as baby grows, making every item of clothing a valuable investment. 

All of the outfits cleaned beautifully due to the quality of the material, leaving them looking brand new after each wash! Something that seems to be becoming more and more rare with my two boisterous lads! 

So to conclude our Frugi experience... all I can say is...

WE LOVE FRUGI!!!

Have a look at the 'planet frugi' section!

http://www.welovefrugi.com/planet-frugi/

I've missed you blog, but now I am bac

I have missed blogging so much! I can't organize life any other way! Plus I love that to get to this now, I just type dysfunctional into google, and it brings up the predictive words and I am there... at the bottom but I am there. I like that :)

What a few weeks I have had, nothing particularly worth writing about, just Ben's birthday which is always awful because he is pretty cookoo, truth be told. However this year he was well behaved and I enjoyed it too.

Then there was my operation. I'd call it treatment really, because I asked to be awake. What a bloody fool! I'd never do that again. The treatment wasn't that bad, but I'd become so worked up as soon as I could smell the hospital smell in that waiting room!!!

Not to mention taking my Mum with me... who decided to tell the nurse... not just any nurse but MY nurse, the lady holding me down for this treatment, well Mum decided to tell her that she had put on a lot of weight. Not in a nasty or vindictive way, more of a very loud observation, in fact She sounded moderately concerned. I was more than moderately concerned after my Mother's whispering over three fields!!!

It also did not help that the next available appointment for this treatment was months after my last biopsy! So I had months to worry! What annoys me more is it isn't the cancer that worries me it's the smell of the hospital! I annoy myself more than anything else on this planet, thank you for reading this by the way, I am sure you can vouch for how annoying that is!

Not only the above but I had to leave the littlest for the first time... and he is still breast fed, he's never taken to a bottle and I was just freaking out at the thought of Ben struggling to force feed the littlest milk while the biggest plotted revenge, as Finn still hates his baby brother most of the time and although they now have a strong bond... Finn is a Daddy's boy. Get in the way of it if you dare!!!

So Aunt Katie and Uncle Col went along too to help out and Ben agreed to go to a play center just by the hospital so I could see my boys straight away after this treatment.

I should also mention that Ben FREAKS out when he is worried about me, and I mean totally goes barmy!!!

I will explain Ben's barmy business in a whole blog entry of its own, it really deserves its own bloody page!!!

Anyway, the treatment was with a different Dr, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I liked that but after all the hassle it had taken to get me there in the first place I was quite ready to give it a go myself.

It was all very laid back and relaxed, well legs akimbo, freezing and a bloody on screen, magnified image of my own bits being burnt away relaxed, meaning everyone else found it a breeze... me on the other had, well I was just enduring the breeze!

By the end of the procedure I was shaking so violently that she told me "If you jump when it hurts again, I will slip and burn away parts of you that are not under aesthetic and that will leave you in excruciating pain" which as you can imagine was like having a gentle hug, or slipping into a warm bubble bath, or even putting on my favorite pair of slippers... NOT!!!!!!

It is quite minor and it wasn't very painful, but with all of my fears after having Alfie in the same department of the same hospital. Just writing it makes me want to vomit through my nose!

So as soon as it was done, I grabbed my things, hobbled out and booked my next appointment, which is yet more biopsy results, but at very least its over the phone so I don't have to smell the smell of one thousand fears!

Oh what a week. I've been resting the best I can, still had a few demanding my full attention, and I've tried to keep everyone happy but it's left me a very groggy Mummy, so now I realize that friends only gain that title in times like these, and whether I like it or not, it is times like these that you realize who aren't very good friends, as well as who are brilliant ones. After almost a full week, I have just started some proper rest and it wasn't optional! My body just turned to led and told me that enough was enough and it was time to sit down. I think I would have been just fine if I'd have slept more, but Ben sleeps less than me now, so I'm by no means complaining!!!!

I'm sorry blog, I will get back to writing daily

I know it has been ages since I last blogged and I have a few reviews waiting to go out that are long over due. I have cut back on the reviews over the last few weeks while I have a reshuffle, but a few things I just could not resist!

Ben's birthday is now out of the way! It is something I absolutely dread, he HATES his birthday, and everything is usually complained about! FUN! But this year he did really well... compared to previous years. All of his presents were opened before the big day, and the house was FULL all day on his actual birthday, which was really lovely!

So tonight I am in with my little princes while Mr Ben is off out to the cinema with God Daddy Ben, a.k.a. Junior. It is so long over due and I know even though Mr Ben is really SHATTERED, he will have fun once he is there! Plus when he is tired... he is grouchy!

So now I should really be sleeping, but as I have my operation pending I am googling the worst. It isn't the operation that I am worried about... I was supposed to go back to book an appointment if there wasn't any improvements after the antibiotics for the last infection... it's getting worse quite quickly now, but its episodic, but I know I should have been back by now, it's just such hard work!

Hopefully its nerves and eating too much haha!

Anyway, I should have updated this all sooner. So I am really sorry. It will happen. Between my birthday boy, my teething tot and timmy terrible two's tantrumer, I've been pretty mithered.

But blog... I've missed updating you! I've updated my facebook and twitter though, as I'd never want a memory to be missed!!!

I will write soon... Hate feeling vulnerable! Watch this space, I'm getting fixed and then I will be back.... better than ever! xxx

D.D.