I've missed you blog, but now I am bac

I have missed blogging so much! I can't organize life any other way! Plus I love that to get to this now, I just type dysfunctional into google, and it brings up the predictive words and I am there... at the bottom but I am there. I like that :)

What a few weeks I have had, nothing particularly worth writing about, just Ben's birthday which is always awful because he is pretty cookoo, truth be told. However this year he was well behaved and I enjoyed it too.

Then there was my operation. I'd call it treatment really, because I asked to be awake. What a bloody fool! I'd never do that again. The treatment wasn't that bad, but I'd become so worked up as soon as I could smell the hospital smell in that waiting room!!!

Not to mention taking my Mum with me... who decided to tell the nurse... not just any nurse but MY nurse, the lady holding me down for this treatment, well Mum decided to tell her that she had put on a lot of weight. Not in a nasty or vindictive way, more of a very loud observation, in fact She sounded moderately concerned. I was more than moderately concerned after my Mother's whispering over three fields!!!

It also did not help that the next available appointment for this treatment was months after my last biopsy! So I had months to worry! What annoys me more is it isn't the cancer that worries me it's the smell of the hospital! I annoy myself more than anything else on this planet, thank you for reading this by the way, I am sure you can vouch for how annoying that is!

Not only the above but I had to leave the littlest for the first time... and he is still breast fed, he's never taken to a bottle and I was just freaking out at the thought of Ben struggling to force feed the littlest milk while the biggest plotted revenge, as Finn still hates his baby brother most of the time and although they now have a strong bond... Finn is a Daddy's boy. Get in the way of it if you dare!!!

So Aunt Katie and Uncle Col went along too to help out and Ben agreed to go to a play center just by the hospital so I could see my boys straight away after this treatment.

I should also mention that Ben FREAKS out when he is worried about me, and I mean totally goes barmy!!!

I will explain Ben's barmy business in a whole blog entry of its own, it really deserves its own bloody page!!!

Anyway, the treatment was with a different Dr, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I liked that but after all the hassle it had taken to get me there in the first place I was quite ready to give it a go myself.

It was all very laid back and relaxed, well legs akimbo, freezing and a bloody on screen, magnified image of my own bits being burnt away relaxed, meaning everyone else found it a breeze... me on the other had, well I was just enduring the breeze!

By the end of the procedure I was shaking so violently that she told me "If you jump when it hurts again, I will slip and burn away parts of you that are not under aesthetic and that will leave you in excruciating pain" which as you can imagine was like having a gentle hug, or slipping into a warm bubble bath, or even putting on my favorite pair of slippers... NOT!!!!!!

It is quite minor and it wasn't very painful, but with all of my fears after having Alfie in the same department of the same hospital. Just writing it makes me want to vomit through my nose!

So as soon as it was done, I grabbed my things, hobbled out and booked my next appointment, which is yet more biopsy results, but at very least its over the phone so I don't have to smell the smell of one thousand fears!

Oh what a week. I've been resting the best I can, still had a few demanding my full attention, and I've tried to keep everyone happy but it's left me a very groggy Mummy, so now I realize that friends only gain that title in times like these, and whether I like it or not, it is times like these that you realize who aren't very good friends, as well as who are brilliant ones. After almost a full week, I have just started some proper rest and it wasn't optional! My body just turned to led and told me that enough was enough and it was time to sit down. I think I would have been just fine if I'd have slept more, but Ben sleeps less than me now, so I'm by no means complaining!!!!